BULLYING! I was bullied in high school.

Hi readers!

Hope you're all well and in the best of health.
Thank you for returning and joining me on my weekly post sessions..

Before we get down to business I have a confession to make, I was procrastinating all day and literally contemplating whether to put this post up. If you haven't already discovered my biggest struggle in life is opening up and letting people in, I steer well clear of personal experiences due to the fact I have always been incredibly close minded of revealing my personal space and very selective on who I tell my business too. But blogging is all about telling your story, because your story just may help someone fight their struggle.. This again is another personal post something rather dear to my heart, a very sensitive topic I have faced.

So without a further a do, here we go :)

Today I speak about bullying, at 21 years of age I am able to tell my story.

Bullying is a major topic in todays society, sadly the topic amongst many others is not given enough attention, and greatly underestimated....Let me tell you about my horrible experience growing up.

When people judge me now days, the first thing that pops to mind is "Mina is out spoke, loud, enthusiastic, opinionated, mature and inspiring, doesn't take shit from anyone and she can defiantly hold her own'  Truth behind why I manage to master those skills is due to my teenage experiences.

I guess it all kicked off around through out the ages 15-17.. they say your teen years are some of the best years or your life.. I however beg to differ, high-school was HORRIBLE for me, I hated it. When I was in America I use to love it, to say the very least. But moving to England things changed instantly, I guess it was the thought of starting a new school midway through that haunted me every single day.


Living in good old London, I had a group of friends (it was 5 of us) I loved and cared for these girls dearly, we use to do everything together. At a point we called each other sisters, but one summer things changed for the worse - they attempted to persuade me into stealing and if I didn't I was called every horrible name in the book.

At the ages 15-17 anyone would do anything to keep friends, I mean who even has a right state of mind then eh? No joke, I was tempted to go through with it, JUST so I wouldn't loose 'my friends'  but what sort of friends were they you may ask...? Friends, my only friends at the time, so at all cost I would've done anything to keep them by all means necessary. But everyone has their thresholds and I knew it was not the right thing to do and the consequences were far grater then a few items that weren't even worthy of getting into that much trouble for. I remember one girl (won't name & shame but lets just say this girl mastered the terminology "thief" she would steal things so darn fast and make it look like it was magic, yo looking back  now I wouldn't have been surprised had I discovered she use to steal from me too lol I aint even trying to throw shade but who wants me known as a thief? Its disgraceful beyond belief but obviously her mother lacked teaching her the basics of self respect and dignity.. Never mind her lets get back to my story.

(Referring back to my "so called friends" At that moment I knew those girls weren't my friends, in fact they were the complete opposite. I had to make what I thought at the time being a tough decision and exclude myself from the equation as a whole by letting them go but of course it wasn't a ride in the park and the news did not deliver pleasantly to them. Although I did advise them we no longer can be friends at that moment it didn't necessarily mean we wouldn't acknowledge each others existence, meaning every so now and then we would still manage to say hi when walking by each other.. But I'm afraid as time went by eventually they turned on me and I had to continue keeping my head up high, it was easier said then done at the time and as my last two years of high school gradually approached I found it obligatory to cut all ties as at the time they were life's biggest distraction and clearly no good for me.. I knew if I wanted to pass my exams and secure a legit college I had to let them go altogether no ifs or buts. You would think as my 'friends' they would understand and have my best interest at heart, boy was I wrong.

I knew letting them go wouldn't have been easy and walking around in school and eating lunch alone was going to be difficult and it honestly was my biggest fear, giving everyone (including) them easy access to picking on me and calling me a 'loner" but I needed to put my head down and set my priorities straight, and they obviously felt rather sour about the entire situation.

Meanwhile as time went by in the school year the girls continously picked on me, amongst others they convinced to turn on me time and time again. I was the American everybody use to pick on. It sucked, I tried to fit in all the time, attempting a british accent, the things I resulted to just to fit in was insane.

I was the class clown and I use that term very lightly. I was the class clown, not in a good way. I was the class clown that everyone seemingly enjoyed laughing at and made fun of. I use to think I was no better then any of my class mates, I even use to ask myself what was wrong with me and why no one liked me. I remember those days so vividly, I use to go home crying thinking what was wrong with me and how can a group of heartless girls be so cruel to one individual.. Why was putting my education first such an issue? These girls stopped at nothing to make me feel isolated.

This then led to a very angry side to me, I wasn't myself for a long time. A very long time, I was a horrible child to my mother. I use to go out, stay out ridicously late and purposely turn of my phone with the intentions of making her worry, my heart turned cold. I started talking back to everyone (people bigger then me on the streets) my teachers at school, modertly my grades started to slip away, mind you I started off  at A* in EVERY class in the beginning of the academic year.. and ATLEAST twice a week I was sent home for fighting. I began to be a HUGE fighter in school, I'm laughing just thinking of it, what was I thinking? My goodness. Its crazy because now I would never put my hands on anyone, my mouth is my biggest weapon. I remember once throwing my shoe at my teacher and then cussing him and his whole family out for asking me why I was on my phone. The term aggressive at the time was a complete understatement. I use to spend more days in detention and ISS (in school suspension) rather then my actual classes and I was on the verge of getting expelled from school if I didn't get my act together and fast.

At the time, I lost hope in everything and my mentality started to drain away, life was so difficult, I hated everything and everyone. I neglected my family, and my heart. I neglected life. I blocked everyone out. I wasn't myself, I hated who I became. I hated how I use to treat my mom, but being the nieive, careless and hopeless teenager I was, anyone else's feelings were the least of my concerns at the time.

I began to fall under depression. I stopped talking to everyone, my daily routine was school, home, bed. I even stopped eating, I began to starve myself constnatly and loosing excessive amount of weight. My mom was so worried, looking back I hate how much pain I put her through. But I guess you can say had I not went through that experience my mother and I wouldn't be as close as we are today.

When I was at school 9/10 times I was fighting due to all the anger built up in me. All the anger those girls built in my system, it hurts looking back at it and I hate knowing others had let me get to that stage in my life. Giving others the capability to practically control my life was my BIGGEST downfall. Furthermore, I was the lowest I have ever been and the scariest part was I was only a child, so apart of me thought it was normal to feel like that.

After careful consideration I started counselling, no one knew about this. Not even my family, in fact today may be the first time my family discover all of this, amongst the rest of you readers reading through. I never actually opened up about this experience, I guess its human nature not to talk about bad experiences so you don't get flashbacks and the feeling doesn't come back eh...

So, all in all I use to speak to my counselor 4 times a week, for at-least 2 hours a day this went on for about 2 months without fail. I use to tell my mom I was at after school programs. Man I was such a rebel, The counsellor would just sit there and nod her head and say "I understand" I remember thinking in my head "why are you talking shit for, no you don't understand what I'm going through, you're sitting there getting paid to say that" .. They say the first step to recovery is accepting you have a problem, but what if there is no existing problem to begin with.. What then? There was no problem, I was a perfectly normal kid who just wanted to get better grades and dismiss toxic individuals from my life. Why was that so difficult to achieve.. Those bitter individuals made it their utmost priority to make my life hell and I'm afraid to admit it they achieved it with flying colours at the time.

What results did I gain from counselling you may ask? NOTHING, why? Because NOTHING was wrong with me. I was brain washed into thinking I had a severe issue but the reality of it was, those girls got the best of me. Eventually I grew out of  attending my sessions with my counsellor and stopped going all together, now what I did next changed my perspective in life, my attitude and my life all together. ALLAHUAKHBAR.

I started praying (5 times a day) I found peace because I was closer to Allah and that is when I felt no one could ever tell me other wise or make me feel any less then the individual I was. I felt I could conquer the entire world knowing I have my Lord, Allah swt. I found peace within myself, it was not easy nor did it happen over night but eventually I disregarded all bad company went through hell of a rollercoaster but I managed to gain so much in return. I gained a relationship with my Lord Allah swt. If I knew then what I know now I would've found peace within myself and my relationship with Allah swt a longtime ago, but I am BEYOND blessed for being bullied, ripped apart, hurt, walked all over, and abounded because I now am a STRONG, INDEPENDENT, OUTSPOKEN, OPINIONATED, LOUD MOUTHED GIRL who takes shit from NO one and my high school experience is what carved me into becoming that.

Truth is I am grateful for all the hurt and pain I faced. I live my life so freely now, I don't take shit from anyone and I am so quick to check anyone who tries to disrespect me because I have zero tolerance for it, uplifting spirits is apart of my lifestyle now. I only surround myself with positive energy and spread a positive vibes through out and if you have any sort of negative energy I am so quick to cut you off because negative energy is transparent it has a way of louring you in,  I like my sun you can take your little dark cloud and run along.

To conclude my story with an absolute BANGER, I was really insecure growing up, and now social media has changed my views on everything, I am blessed to have an immense platform that has opened so many doors and opportunities for me, would you believe me if I told you just recently those girls EACH AND EVERYONE of them single handedly found me on Instagram? Small world eh? We don't even live in the same city anymore however they managed to find me, direct message me and asked how I was doing......... I didn't reply to any of them because I said to myself "Honey of course I am doing great, in fact I am doing so great because of you." Now continue to snoop around my photos just so you can establish how far I truly have come.

Progression and success key and honestly the best revenge my friends. Those girls motivated me to better myself and come out the other end better then ever.

I love knowing that those who hurt you always attempt to reach out sooner or later when they see you doing well, hey girls I can put my money on the fact each and everyone of you are currently reading this and I just wanted to say I made it out. I no longer lose sleep over you guys and today I can finally tell my story. I'm doing great btw just so you know, and I promise you one day I will be screaming 'I made it' officially and wholeheartedly and you will see me shining right before your eyes.


Truth is, I still carry my past with me not in a sense where I am scared, nor being bulled. I carry it around with me because had I not went through that experience I would not be who I am today.

Today I speak up not only for me but for every single individual fighting this battle, I survived and so will you! Don't be afraid to speak up because that is something I greatly lacked at.. Better days always come, find yourself and you will find inner peace within you.

Being a teenager should be the best days of your lives, but even if it isn't trust me lost time can always be made up. 21 years of age and my life couldn't be any better, I have everything I ever wanted and working for everything I can have.

21 years of age, I am so content and blessed for everything Allah swt has blessed me with.

21 years of age and I will be so quick to tell you about yourself if you ever underestimate my capabilities, because I no longer am the easy targeted girl I was at 16.

21 years of age and I have been through bullying and I now look back knowing it made me.

Hey beautiful, stay strong you are worth SO much! I promise you.

Thank you all for reading, and until next time!

Mina Xo